Derek Hale's Guide On How To Battle Awkward Teenage Boners
by Saremina
Summary: The story of Derek Hale's on-going battle against teenage awkwardness and inappropriate boners. Pre-slash, humor, Sterek.
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter summary: **In which Derek and Stiles hide from hunters in an unnecessarily small space. Partially inspired by a scene in Torchwood where Owen and Gwen hide in cold chamber in the morgue._

_**A/N :** This is something that was stuck in my head, and this is written in a very short time so apologies for the lack of coherent plot. Hope you still like it though =) Posted originally on Tumblr. This was partially inspired by a scene in Torchwood where Owen and Gwen hide in cold chamber in the morgue._

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**Derek Hale's Guide On How To Battle Awkward Teenage Boners - Chapter 54**

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Of course they had to run to the morgue and find out it was a dead end, of course they had to hide in the tiny space of an empty drawer in the morgue refrigerator, and of course Derek ended up with Stiles lying underneath him before he had a chance to fully process what was happening.

Now they are waiting for the group of rogue hunters to leave, and while the hunters have moved away from the immediate earshot Derek can still hear them circling the area, and he doesn't think it would be a good idea to make a run for it just yet, and Derek is sure Isaac can rescue Allison and Lydia from the pool on his own since he had the time to take a picture of the girls and send it to Stiles.

Stiles is getting restless underneath Derek and he is craning his neck to see from the small crack in the drawer door Derek hadn't quite managed to pull completely shut from the inside.

"I can't believe I'm stuck here with you. I should've gone with Lydia and Allison. I could be there, in a pool with two girls. Sure would beat the last time I was in a pool with someone," Stiles whispers frustratedly, but Derek knows better than to engage him.

"I could be seeing Lydia and Allison in a pool," Stiles repeats, but this time his tone is different, and Derek can tell Stiles' imagination is painting an image of what Stiles could be seeing, though he suspects it's far from the actual truth.

"Maybe you should think about something else," Derek suggests, drawing Stiles' attention from the small crack in the door to him, and Derek decides that speaking definitely wasn't that good of an idea since now Stiles' whole attention is drawn to him and to how close they are. Too close if you ask Derek, he's not comfortable being pressed up against the sheriffs still underage son, and he definitely doesn't like the way Stiles' nose is bumping against his.

"What do you mean?" Stiles asks innocently, but Derek can tell he knows exactly what Derek is talking about.

"I hope you realize I have heightened senses and there's not very much space between us," Derek replies, unable to keep the sarcasm completely out of his voice. Stiles glances down before he swallows and turns his head back to glaring out of the small crack. Derek doesn't have to hear the quickening beat of Stiles' heart, he can feel it against his own chest, and if there was any doubt that Derek had just made things worse he could smell Stiles' arousal spiking. Derek doesn't really blame Stiles for his reaction, he's a teenager and he's still riding an adrenaline high that can make everyone react in ways they might not usually do, but that doesn't stop Derek from hoping Stiles could have picked a better time to pop an awkward boner.

"Stiles," Derek growls warningly and tries not to press his face against Stiles' exposed neck to get closer to the rather intoxicating scent emanating from the boy. Stiles jerks against Derek and the faint scent of embarrassment intensifies suddenly.

"It's pretty hard to just stop thinking about two hot girls in a pool while pressed against an equally hot guy," Stiles reasons in a hushed voice, still being careful not to draw the attention of the hunters trying to find them. Derek huffs in annoyance, deciding to ignore Stiles' comment on his looks while trying to come up with something that would draw Stiles' thoughts to something safer, and suddenly Derek gets an idea.

"Okay, I've got an idea. But you have to promise me you'll picture this in your mind as clearly as possible," Stiles turns his attention back to Derek and nods quiclly. He gives Stiles a wicked smirk, making Stiles frown in confusion.

"Think about Finstock and Gerard playing lacrosse on the field in a crispy autumn morning. _Naked_." The look absolute horror that spreads on Stiles' face is something Derek will cherish for years to come. Stiles splutters indignantly and glares at Derek, who is glad he managed to draw Stiles' to something less boner inducing thoughts.

"What the hell?" Stiles finally manages to get out, and Derek is suddenly grateful he can barely hear the hunters anymore because Stiles has stopped trying to keep their location a secret.

"Consider it a payback for the Miguel thing," Derek offers sweetly though he hadn't been mad about that thing since the day it had happened, it is just nice to remind Stiles of all the things he _could_ still be mad about.

"Oh _my GOD!_ And this is way more damaging than you changing a freakin' shirt in front of Danny. You've just put me in therapy for the rest of my life! I don't think there's anything in this world that can get this horrible image out of my mind," Stiles says, clearly offended and Derek can't fight the smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"You can except payback for this. I'm going to wipe the floor with your sorry little werewolf ass," Stiles promises and turns his attention away from Derek, his face showing his disgust at the image in his mind every few seconds.

"And you'd better come up with a good reason why I should let you come to my birthday party next month," Stiles adds without looking at Derek after a minute of silence. Derek is barely paying attention to the hunters anymore. He looks at Stiles with a genuine smile on his face, and there is an emotion he's not ready to identify warming him up. For now he was going to take a moment to simply enjoy it before telling Stiles it was safe for them to move again.

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_**A/N : **My sister, who has studied medicine, says that the things dead bodies are stored in are called either refrigerators or cold chambers. I don't know if she's right and english isn't my native language. I've always called them 'those thingies they store dead bodies in', no matter what the language I'm using is._


	2. Chapter 2

_******Chapter summary : **__In which Stiles is hunted by witches and Derek is tasked with protecting him._

_******A/N :** I was tired and wanted to write something Stereky, and I thought this would fit in this 'verse pretty well, so here you go, another part of Derek Hale's Guide On How To Battle Awkward Teenage Boners (I gotta come up with a shorter name if I'm going to keep writing these...)._

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**Derek Hale's Guide On How To Battle Awkward Teenage Boners - Chapter 61**

Derek can't believe he is hiding in a uncomfortably tiny closet with Stiles on a Friday night, no matter how scary the coven chasing them was. Derek had been attempting to keep Stiles from the coven for over six hours now, and he was there only because Stiles, Isaac and Scott were tired from taking on the coven and then running from them for days until they had given up and asked Derek for help, though Scott had made it very clear they were there only because Chris Argent had taken Allison and Lydia to LA for the weekend. Derek took some comfort in the knowledge that the situation was mostly Stiles' fault, since the witches were fixated on the teenager for some reason. Derek hopes they are planning on eating him so that he wouldn't have to.

Stiles is currently pressed up against the shelf in the back of the closet, and his fidgeting is making the cleaning supplies on the shelves shake, and Derek worries they might fall and give away their location.

"Stop that," he hushes at Stiles angrily and turns to face the teenager. Stiles responses by making a face at him, and Derek frowns at him threateningly, he needs the boy to ignore his adrenaline fueled energy and focus on the problem at hand. Stiles grumbles under his breath even as he stops shifting around. Derek sends out a silent thanks to the universe and concentrates on listening to the sounds of the witches walking around the school. And why did every bad thing always happen in school anyways?

"I think they're gone," Stiles whispers after a few seconds of silence.

"I can still hear them clearly," Derek replies with finality, hoping that Stiles would stay quiet until Derek would be sure he could get the teenager away from there safely, but of course, Stiles being Stiles, the boy couldn't stop himself from annoying Derek in some way.

"They're human, so if I can't hear them then they can't hear us, and that means we can go now." Derek promptly refuses to acknowledge any logic behind Stiles' words.

"They're witches, if you want to go out there and take your chances against them then be my guest, but be sure to call Scott first and explain everything to him so that I won't have to justify my actions to him when his best friend ends up dead because he was sure the witches couldn't find him. I really hope your sense of hearing is good enough from back there to tell it's safe," Derek replies sweetly and Stiles sticks his tongue out to him in retaliation. Derek turns quickly back to the door in order to hide his smile, Stiles doesn't need to know that Derek finds his childish behavior to be amusing amusing on some occasions.

"Fine, we'll go with your super hearing," Stiles says and squeezes himself right next to Derek, and presses his ear to the door with a concentrated look on his face. Derek takes a second to savor his momentarily victory over Stiles' stubbornness before returning his full attention to the sounds coming from the hallways.

"Stiles, could you stop rubbing yourself against me?" Derek requests after a minute of Stiles shifting around in the tiny space between Derek and the door he has somehow managed to wedge himself in.

"I'm not rubbing myself against you!" Stiles whisper shouts indignantly. "Maybe you need to get your mind out of the gutter for a sec, Derek, our lives are at stake here." Derek rolls his eyes even though he knows Stiles can't see him. Derek gives Stiles some space to settle his ear against the door before concentrating his senses on the witches roaming the hallways nearby.

"Can we-" Stiles doesn't manage to finish the sentence before Derek clamps a hand on his mouth and pulls him deeper into the closet, away from the door. Stiles lets out an indignant sound that is muffled by Derek's hand, but he freezes when he hears footsteps from the hallway outside the closet door. Derek can hear Stiles' heartbeat quicken rapidly and the feel of the boy's fast breathing against his hand is a bit distracting, but Derek has to concentrate on keeping them safe.

Derek moves Stiles so that the boy is standing behind him, safe from the witches if they decide to open the door. Stiles is grabbing Derek's jacket loosely, though Derek isn't sure if it is for safety or for holding the werewolf back if necessary. As soon as the footsteps fade away Derek allows himself to relax slightly, which gives Stiles the all clear to let out a relieved breath and let his head fall on Derek's shoulder.

"Oh my God, that was a bit scary," Stiles whispers against Derek's shoulder, his whole body shaking because of the adrenaline rush. Derek leans back to give the boy some support and Stiles is quick to flatten himself against Derek who is willing to give the kid a moment to breathe before making him stand on his own two legs again. Stiles wraps his arms around Derek tentatively, and though Derek's attention is on the sounds coming from the other side of the closet door he turns his head slightly towards Stiles, allowing the touch without hesitation.

"Can we wait until those bitches get out of the building? I want to still be alive tomorrow," Stiles requests lightly, but Derek isn't objecting to the idea, he is getting tired of this cat and mouse game, and he needs to either loose the coven from their trail right now or attack something and rip it to shreds.

"We'll wait until the coven goes to the other end of the school, and then we'll get out of here," Derek answers quietly and feels Stiles nod against his shoulder and take a deep breath.

"You smell good," Stiles mumbles and Derek raises a confused eyebrow at the kid.

"Is your brain to mouth filter malfunctioning again?" He asks, not sure if he wants the answer to be yes.

"Probably," Stiles admits and rests his head on Derek's shoulder like it was something he did every day. Derek nods and ignores Stiles' clinging and the uneasy feeling inside of him. It takes Stiles all of five minutes to calm down and start testing Derek's patience by blowing cool air on Derek's ear. Derek allows this to continue for a minute before growling at Stiles in warning.

"Hey, we're hiding in a closet. Should we be playing seven minutes in heaven?" Stiles grins at Derek, though he keeps his voice down, something for which Derek is actually grateful. The witches are apparently smart enough to spread across the school because Derek can hear them patrolling on the end of hallway, and there is no way of getting out of the closet without drawing attention to them.

"No," Derek growls in response, though he has a few rather vivid ideas of what that particular game could entail.

"Oh my G-, I just got a mental image." Derek wants to smack his head against the door at Stiles' words, and the scent of the teenagers hormones does nothing to help the situation.

"I think the witches are trying to perform some kind of a spell, so they're probably looking for a virgin sacrifice," Derek muses after a few beats, and Stiles stills his minute movements behind Derek when his words sink in.

"I don't want to be a sacrifice!" Stiles whispers loudly with a note of panic in his voice. Derek disentangles himself from Stiles' hold and turns to give him an amused look.

"Then stop making it such an appealing idea," he suggests and returns to the door while Stiles stays on the back of the closet.

"Well sorry, it's not my fault I'm a teenager with an overactive imagination. Just help me come up with an idea that will prevent me from becoming a sacrifice?" Derek doesn't need to turn around to know Stiles is giving him the most pleading look he could come up with at the moment.

"I'm not having sex with you," Derek replies immediately and smiles briefly at the stuttering sound Stiles lets out.

"Jesus, Derek, you can't just say things like that. And why the hell would you think about sex right now?" Stiles' voice rose with an octave, and Derek has to admit it is quite amusing in its own way.

"Well, since the witches are after a _virgin_ sacrifice, the logical thing to do is to de-virginize their intended sacrifice," Derek reasons, making Stiles grumble something about smartass werewolves.

"I think they're gone," Derek says before Stiles can say anything, and cracks the closet door enough to find the corridor empty.

"We'll go see Deaton, he might have some ideas on what to do," he continues as he pulls Stiles out of the closet and leads him out of the school, and if Derek stays a bit closer to the teenager than is strictly necessary it is because he was just protecting the hyperactive kid.

They doesn't hear or see the witches until they reach the road. Derek turns towards the school with his eyes glowing red at the enraged screams he hears coming from inside the building.

"Okay, time to go. Deaton's waiting," Stiles says brightly, grabs Derek's hand and starts running away from the school before the witches can see where they're heading. Derek lets Stiles pull him to a fast run towards the vets clinic, and he concentrates his attention on the sound of Stiles' fast breathing and exited heartbeat, and Derek thinks he could get used to running with Stiles by his side.

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_**A/N : **I might maybe someday make this actual slash. If I'll get that kind of an inspiration. We'll see =)_


End file.
